Blog – Page 13 – Dr. Paul Jenkins

Jun 25

Is Your Calendar Controlling Your Life?

By DrPaul M-Power

I don’t know about you, but my calendar is getting full. Opportunities that were closed to me a year ago are starting to open up. Part of me says, “Yes!” I have missed this and it feels good to be able to do this again. Part of me thinks, “There were things about a less hectic schedule that were really nice.” Maybe you have had these same conflicting feelings. I find myself not wanting to go back to being “busy” all the time. It is good to have choices, we all want options. Could one choice be, I will sit this one out? Do we have to attend every event? Do we have to throw a party because we did last year? The answer is no. We don’t have to do any of those things and perhaps there is a clue in that. If we feel as though we HAVE…

Jun 23

Never Say Never?

By DrPaul M-Power

Recently I came across an article entitled, 10 Things You Should Never Do In Life. Now, I was taught not to say never in my writing by the editor of my book, Thomas Cantrell, so I was piqued by the list. I discovered that most of the items were things that were commonly done in life. Never try smoking, ignore your parents, let anyone control your life, avoid your health, put work over family or friends, spend more than you earn, be judgmental, or quit your dreams. In fact, as I read the list I wondered how the author had decided on these things. Has he learned them? We most often learn things by making mistakes. Mistakes are doing those things that we shouldn’t. Sometimes we know we shouldn’t and sometimes we don’t. That isn’t really the issue. What is relevant here is that we learn. Hopefully when the price…

Jun 18

Eat Your Vegetables and Other Things Your Mother Told You to Do

By DrPaul M-Power

It’s National Eat Your Vegetables Day We all know we should eat our vegetables, among other things. Yet, how many times do we grab for the brownie and skip the vegetables? There are other things we know we should do - but we don’t. Why not? The answers vary. Perhaps fear, perfectionist tendency, comparing ourselves to others, stuck in a routine or the most common reason, the benefits can’t be seen for a long time. How can we get ourselves to do something that will benefit us? I teach a model called easy/hard, hard/easy. Basically, we default to easy. Whatever will cause us less friction or pain, we default to. Who wants to choose pain when you can have pleasure? Yet, we know that choosing easy now can lead to harder things down the road. And, choosing harder things now can lead to easier things down the road. Easy -…

Jun 15

Target Fixation: Staying Focused

By DrPaul M-Power

Do you know what target fixation is? A person becomes so fixated on an object that they end up driving into it. I heard a friend talking about it in connection to motorcycle riding. It is one of the most common reasons motorcyclists crash. If the motorcyclist stares at a rock, they are more likely to hit the rock. Hit the rock? Yes. A motorcyclist uses miniscule body movements to steer their bike so it is easier for them to hit the rock. It happens in autos also. This explains why people hit cars stopped on the side of the road or drift over into oncoming traffic. If their focus strays off the course of the car, the course of the car shifts to follow the focus of the driver. It also explains most rear-end collisions. The best way to avoid the collision is to look past the distraction, to…

Jun 11

Zooming In and Out

By DrPaul M-Power

Computers are amazing. There is one tool on my computer that comes in handy. I seem to use it more now than I used to. Perhaps it has something to do with my twin sister having a birthday recently. It is the zoom tool. When I need to see more detail, I zoom in. Sometimes when I am looking up a new location I zoom out - to see what is around where I am going so I can get familiar with the area. It is helpful in our lives to zoom in and out. When we want to work on a specific area, we zoom in. We focus to get more clarity and evaluate if a change needs to be made. In working with clients I sometimes help them to zoom in on exactly what it is that is causing them discomfort or identify the irritant. It can be…

Jun 08

Information vs. Transformation

By DrPaul M-Power

In thinking about the topic for today’s email, I googled positivity and came up with 52,300,000 responses. That is a lot of information. If you had the time to go through and read all the articles and posts, would it make you more positive? Not likely. We can read books about cooking, eat a lot of food, but does that make you a chef? Not likely. We have to take that information and put it into action before we get the transformation. Transformation is something that happens after gaining information. It is a process, not an event. No one and done here. It takes practice and repetition. It takes messing up and learning where we went wrong. It takes building muscle memory to create true transformation. We want transformation. That is why we read books, listen to podcasts and pay money for seminars and courses. We want to be better.…

Jun 02

Choose Love, Always

By DrPaul M-Power

Love Conquers All Day is June 3rd. Even though this holiday is on the weird and bizarre calendar of holidays, it might be one of the most important days of the year. So much of what is happening in the world and in our homes can be solved by choosing love and conversely, by not choosing hate. How would you describe love? A feeling? A condition that you find yourself in? I believe it is more than this. Love is a choice. It is a verb. Not an adjective, but an action. "People are not born hating each other and wishing to cause harm. It is a learned condition."Desmond Tutu And so is love. But what about those who do things to degrade, marginalize, or hurt us? I hear this often in my coaching. “Dr. Paul, that person hurt me so much, I could never love them again or forgive…

May 28

Is Being Grateful Enough?

By DrPaul M-Power

I am a big believer in being grateful. Gratitude can help us to feel content. Gratitude can cause a perception shift that leads to growth. Gratitude can help us to look outside ourselves. Gratitude can create connection. We celebrate Memorial Day this weekend and I was thinking about the reason we have this holiday. It started after the Civil War when brother fought against brother and when the death toll was extremely high. National cemeteries were created to bury the dead. And then family and friends flocked to those cemeteries to decorate the graves of their loved ones and mourn their loss. Memorial Day is a time to look back and be grateful for those who have come before and for their sacrifice serving in the military. It led me to think, is being grateful enough? What if those who served had thought, “I am grateful, I don’t need to…

May 26

Make a Fist, Now Catch

By DrPaul M-Power, Uncategorized

Make a tight fist and don’t open your hand. Now catch what I throw to you. It is a little hard to catch something when your hand is tightly fisted. I use this example when talking to clients who are having a hard time letting go of something. When they are having a hard time moving past an event or relationship. As long as they continue holding onto the person or event, they can’t receive what may be tossed their way. They can’t grasp onto a new perspective, a new relationship, a new possibility. All they have is a closed fist and feel defeated. I get why they don’t open their fist. It may be for comfort. Even though they say they don’t like what they are wrapping their fingers around, they have been that way for a long time. They don’t know what having an open hand would feel…

May 20

How Can I Stop Trying To Make Everyone Happy?

By DrPaul M-Power

This is a topic that I have dealt with and in my 30 year psychology practice, I have had more than one person in my office with the same problem. They are trying to make everyone in their life happy and they are miserable because they feel like they are failing. When they perceive that someone is not happy whom they have taken responsibility for, well, they become miserable. You see, the one person that you have control over - you - is now subject to any number of other people and how you perceive their happiness. Not that you can really tell. Do you see how impossible this is? You - can’t - make - everyone - happy! Just not possible. We can do things that please other people, but we are not responsible for their emotional health and happiness. You are responsible for your emotional health, and they…