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Dr. Paul Jenkins

May 20
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How Can I Stop Trying To Make Everyone Happy?

By M-Power

This is a topic that I have dealt with and in my 30 year psychology practice, I have had more than one person in my office with the same problem. They are trying to make everyone in their life happy and they are miserable because they feel like they are failing. When they perceive that someone is not happy whom they have taken responsibility for, well, they become miserable.  You see, the one person that you have control over – you – is now subject to any number of other people and how you perceive their happiness. Not that you can really tell. Do you see how impossible this is?  You – can’t – make – everyone – happy! Just not possible. We can do things that please other people, but we are not responsible for their emotional health and happiness. You are responsible for your emotional health, and they…

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May 17
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Default to Positivity

By M-Power

If your default is to negativity, you can learn to be more positive! My friend Devan Thorpe asked me on LinkedIn if our optimism setpoint is immovable or can we learn to be more positive? Unless you missed it, I am a Positive Psychologist. I answered that through research and clinical experience many aspects of positivity are trainable. It is true that there are some things programmed into our DNA. Some people default to positivity and others default to negativity.  Through repeated practice we can actually change our baseline of optimism, positivity and happiness.  It takes practice! Like any other skill. I compare it to learning a new language.  Whatever language we were programmed to use from birth, that language “feels” like it is “right” for us.  There are other options for language and it is only through making a clear choice and then a determined approach to practicing that…

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May 04
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We Aren’t There Yet

By M-Power

Everything will be okay in the end. If things aren’t okay, it isn’t the end. Keep going. I was reminded of this saying when reading a hopeful study that said 10% of people with major depression were thriving 10 years later.  Thriving, not just living. Many people think that once depressed, always depressed. That isn’t the case. You can thrive. There is hope.  Sometimes your journey is long, we don’t know how long we will be up against this particular challenge. Are we in Act 1, Act 2, the intermission, or is it the final scene?  We just don’t know.  Even if you don’t suffer from depression, there are many ways the axiom can help us in our lives. You have a teenager who is putting you through the wringer. Well, if things aren’t okay, then you aren’t done yet.  You have a work situation that is making it difficult…

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Apr 22
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How To Raise Your Emotional Quotient

By M-Power

No matter the reason someone comes into my office, what issue they are getting stuck with, we almost always have to do some work with what we control and what we don’t.  It can be difficult or freeing when someone realizes that they don’t have control over something they have been trying to control. It is good news when we identify something we CAN control and begin to take steps to gain the skills to get us unstuck. Your emotional quotient, your emotional intelligence is something that we can improve over time, with the right skills. Getting hired, being promoted or better emotional health are all possible results of increasing your emotional intelligence. When we create deeper connections with others, new possibilities open up. The first thing you can do is take a breath. Don’t jump to conclusions. Take the initial thought that comes into your head and form it…

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Apr 20
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Why EQ is Just As Important as IQ

By M-Power

You may know what your IQ is, but do you know what your EQ is? Your IQ is determined by a test that measures your ability to solve problems and reason.  Emotional intelligence is determined by your ability to read others in social situations, empathize, decrease conflict, communicate and overcome obstacles. The importance of your IQ is something that parents and society look at to predict if a person will become successful in school and life. While those with a high IQ are more likely to be successful in school, earn more, and be healthy, your EQ can be as much of a determinant. Some companies are now giving EQ tests to their employees. An insurance company figured out that those with high EQ’s were more successful in sales.  Why? Because emotionally intelligent people are able to build a connection with those they encounter. They build trust through listening to…

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Apr 05
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5 Steps to Effective Communication

By M-Power

How did you like the interview I did with David Horsager on his book, Trusted Leader? Link to the last post to see what I am talking about. As I was going through the YouTube Comments, one came up that I thought was insightful and relevant to the interview. It was in regards to this video, Communicating Effectively With Your Teenager / 5 rules.  The comment was that these rules will help you communicate effectively with anyone.  This viewer was so right.  I seek to find principles. The principles I was highlighting are about communication. I applied them in the video to teenagers, but they can be applied to anyone.  They also dovetailed nicely with the interview I did with David about leadership.  The principles are about building trust in the relationship so we can communicate effectively.  E F F E C T I V E L Y. We don’t…

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Mar 18
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Pain Is Not A Contest

By M-Power

Have you ever heard me say that we can always imagine something better than what we have and we can imagine something worse. I use this model as I teach about discontent and how to use it to our advantage, not to compare ourselves with others. It is not helpful when someone is trying to share their pain. “My children are driving me crazy with their arguing.”  “Well, you know April is taking her daughter to the doctor to find out why she isn’t talking yet.” “My husband is not doing anything about his mother’s interference.” “At least you have a husband.” “My boss totally raked me over the coals today at our staff meeting.” “At least you have a job that makes good money, not like some of us.” The fact is your journey through life will look completely different from someone else’s journey.  You do not share the…

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Mar 04
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Positivity is Possible in a Pandemic (or anytime)

By M-Power

I don’t know if you have ever written something and looked back at it later and thought, “What was I thinking?” or “Wow, that is still relevant today.”  I did this recently with this excerpt from my book, Pathological Positivity. Remember, I wrote this in 2014 and we know the world has changed a bit in the last seven years.  “What we interpret, reinterpret, create or recreate on purpose with Pathological Positivity becomes what is – and thereby becomes real. We feel successful as soon as we appreciate what is as good, and see what is to be as even better. Like a child excited to open birthday presents, the pathologically positive relish and enjoy the anticipation of great things to come – no matter how things seem here and now.” Is this true in a pandemic? One that has been going on for over a year and still affects…

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