Blog – Page 32 – Dr. Paul Jenkins

Apr 30

Self-Destructive Behaviors in Relationships

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

We enter relationships with the best of intentions. It doesn’t matter if it is a work, social, or even a romantic relationship. Our behaviors can be productive or not helpful. A Pathologically Positive person wants to make the most of all their relationships so let’s examine a pattern of negative behaviors that will cause any relationship to implode so we know what not to do. How does self-destruction happen in a relationship? We can boil it down to four words: Criticism, Negativity, Selfishness and Disrespect. Criticism doesn’t even have to be real or intended, as long as it is felt, it works to damage our relationships. Negativity is tied to criticism. Negativity is manifested by complaining and complaining is focused on yourself, not the other person, which leads us to our next step, selfishness. Selfishness is when we turn all our attention inward. We are concerned with how we feel…

Apr 24

Change Your Language, Change Your Life

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Word choice, tone, inflection. All can tell others where you are from. They can also tell others where you are coming from. Language can make it clear to others and ourselves, (if we are listening), whether our life perspective is one of noxious negativity or one of Pathological Positivity. Paying attention to how we speak helps us respond to life’s surprises in a healthier and more productive way. Tiffany Peterson, my friend and colleague, reminded me recently in a YouTube episode that what we say is not always directed outside of ourselves, but the person we talk to the most everyday is probably yourself. After all, we are with ourselves 24/7. Self-doubt and fears will creep in, just as weeds will always grow in a garden. Tiffany gives us some hints to close the loop faster and get thinking positively. Her first hint is to, “Be Kind to Yourself.” She suggests a…

Apr 16

If not this, then what?

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Someone I knew years ago, said people are right where they want to be. She was saying that if someone really didn’t want to be married to their spouse, or if they really didn’t like their job, well, they could quit, find another spouse or another job. If they didn’t do these things, then they were just where they wanted to be. Have you found yourself in a situation not to your liking? Do you find yourself wishing you were somewhere else? When we stay there, this becomes a form of noxious negativity, the antithesis of creation. So why do people choose to stay in noxious negativity? Comfort? Lack of courage? Some actually step into victim mode. They complain and say they have no choice. Anyone can break out of this mode with one simple (but possibly scary) question. It is, “If not this, then what?” Once you ask yourself…

Apr 07

Spring Into Mindfulness

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Creation, it’s all around us, especially this time of year. Starting in March, I take weekly walks with my granddaughter throughout the yard. I point out plants, mostly bulbs that are starting to send dark green leaves above the soil. We look at branches and notice the buds beginning to form on some and no action on others. We notice the weeds that need to be pulled and how leaves have begun to decay and are now a lacy image of what they once were. We notice bugs crawling and birds flying. What inspires us and impels us to take these walks is that next week the scenery has changed subtly in some cases, and wildly in others. The plants we noticed last week may be a little higher, the buds a little more formed, the weeds gone as some yard work has been completed; turn the corner and the…

Mar 13

Does a Positive Attitude Increase Your Good Luck?

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Luck. It’s all around us this week with St. Patrick’s Day coming up. Can you use some Luck o’ the Irish? Interesting, the term was originally not positive but was used derisively to describe successful miners of Irish descent. The term meant that if an Irish man found gold or silver, it wasn’t due to hard work or brain power, just dumb luck. People have told me I am lucky to do something I love. Huh? It only took tremendous time and resources to obtain a PhD and 23 more years of clinical practice. Not to mention writing books, speaking, networking and marketing. Where we are today has very little to do with good luck and more to do with patience, persistence, and positive attitude. A positive attitude is essential. How likely are you to try something if you tell yourself you can’t succeed? If you have told yourself you…

Mar 09

Change Your Mind to Change Your Attitude

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Positive Psychology. What does that mean to you? Be happy all the time? Never feel sad, angry, frustrated? Wrong. We are human, we have feelings, lots of them. Feelings are simply our way of registering discontent. Positive Psychology is understanding that we have those feelings and decide to use them constructively, instead of reacting automatically, which can include lashing out. How did lashing out work for you the last time you tried it? You are never wrong about your feelings but you may be wrong about your interpretation or perception of what is behind those feelings. How do you know if your interpretation or perception are off? Try this simple test… Are my feelings of discontent leading me to believe that someone other than me needs to change? If the answer is yes, then you are headed down the wrong road. Your interpretation of those feelings means that you have to…

Mar 02

Go Ahead – Ask Me Why

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

My daughter had a teacher once who told the kids that he was not going to teach them anything they didn’t need to know. There was a purpose behind what he was teaching and if they ever wanted to know why they were learning something he was teaching, they could ask. The students found it liberating to be able to ask, “Why should I learn this material?” Go ahead, you can ask me, “Why should I think positively? Does it really matter?” Yes, and there is science to back up the claim. When we think negatively, a chemical called cortisol, is released into our system. Cortisol shuts down the prefrontal cortex where we do our higher thinking, where we problem solve, and generate empathy, compassion and forgiveness. Just think about not being able to think logically about a problem, not even being able to try to see where another person…

Feb 21

Challenge Throwdown – Hate or Love

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Up for the challenge? Of course, we are going to pick love. We are decent people. Now think of a difficult person you have to deal with in your life? Maybe it is a boss, co-worker, neighbor, or teenager. Do you always pick love? Ugh! In my book, The Love Choice, three steps are given to Choose Hate and three steps to Choose Love so you can see what happens when we make the choice. We should always choose love, not only when dealing with pleasant people, but when we deal with difficult people – always. Your reaction to the difficult person has something to do with your love or hate choice due to something in psychology that you might have heard of, the Confirmation Bias. This is the tendency our minds have to look for, discover and create evidence that we are right. This means we have something to…

Feb 05

9 Secrets to Build a Healthier Relationship

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Successful relationships are not magic, and they are not due to luck. At Live On Purpose TV you will find how to build better relationships with the YouTube video, “9 Secrets to Build a Healthy Relationship.” Dr. John Gottman has done some incredible research on marital relationships. His findings translate to almost any relationship we experience. He says that 70% of problems in relationship are unresolvable. How does that make you feel? Relieved or exasperated? All it really says is that we are different and can expect conflict because of our differences, but differences by themselves aren’t bad. They are what give us a reason to have a relationship. Differences are what make us interesting and relevant to each other. And, these differences were found in couples who reported themselves as happily married and those who reported not being happy in their marriage. The 9 Secrets to Build a Healthy Relationship will…

Jan 31

Surprise! Expect the Unexpected???

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Surprise! Expect the Unexpected We are told to “plan” our lives and then told to expect the unexpected. Huh? Might as well not even plan, right? WRONG! In my YouTube video, Coping With Chronic Illness and Disability, I outline principles we can use when life says, “Surprise!” to create an inspiring outcome. Everyone's life Surprise will look different but these principles help us make our life inspiring despite of or even because of our Surprise! I love interviewing inspiring people on my podcast. Every story has a hard part that hits out of nowhere and though the individual may be stuck for a bit, I have found that every one of them decides at some point they are going to pick a position that works for them. Think about the things you CAN do despite your challenge, that opens up opportunity. Next, decide your attitude toward the challenge. Well, you may say, “It hurts,” “it…