This has been a very popular topic for my recent trainings and keynotes, and has a profound implication for leadership. Think about your own thinking for a moment and notice that whenever you are in a conversation, communication, or interaction with another person, your focus is somewhere. Paying attention to feelings, in the first column my focus is on How I Feel, and in the second column my focus is on How You Feel. Now who is it about? In the top row, my focus is About Me. In the bottom row my focus is About You. We overlay these two dimensions to form a quadrant model. With both dimensions combined, we see that our focus could be in one of these four areas. In the upper left my focus is on how I feel about myself. In the upper right my focus is on how you feel about me.
A couple in my office recently heard me say, “You need a new marriage.” She looked at me with surprise in her face, they were paying me to help them save their marriage, not to tell them they need a new one. “Keep your spouse, ” I responded, “and get a new marriage.” Better is always different – by definition. That isn’t always true the other way around, and that’s why different can seem scary. If we truly want an upgrade, it depends on our willingness to change. The good news is… You can upgrade your relationship today, right now, without materially changing anything about your spouse or situation. Try this: Find gratitude in where you are right now without changing anything. Notice the good and focus on it. This doesn’t make the bad go away, what it does is changes your position. Through gratitude for what it is, you
“Buy now while supplies last! Get while the getting is good. All good things must come to an end.” There is never enough. Never enough good deals. Never enough stuff in our closet or garage. Never enough time, money, love, attention. Sometimes we operate in a constant perception of scarcity. From a position of scarcity, not only can we never have enough, we can never do enough, or be enough. This scarcity focus starts first thing in the morning with a depressed groan, “I never get enough sleep.” “I don’t have the energy to do this.” “I don’t have time.” In scarcity mode we constantly feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied. We always need more. Scarcity perception causes us to grab, hoard, cling to, all we can. We are there in force on Black Friday (which is now creeping in on Thursday). We shop in a feeding frenzy, climbing over and pushing
You’ve heard it before right? Happiness is a choice. That can sometimes be offensive, especially when I’m not feeling happy. What are you saying? That it’s my fault?! The thing is, until we see it as a choice, it’s not. This is because of a process in our own mind that puts most of our thinking on auto-pilot. We don’t even think about things that we have already programmed into the neural pathways of our mind, so the very processes causing our emotional experience are not even noticed. They are obvious, but unnoticed, until they are called to our attention. This is why I love my job so much – I get to illuminate the obvious, which puts people in position to actually have more choice and control. I’ve summarized the two main processes that make happiness a choice (evaluation and creation) in this 16-minute video. Will you help me share
Have you wondered how to stay positive when things are so hard? Our mind is an amazing tool that, when properly used, can assist us to stay in positivity mode no matter what. Take ten minutes to give yourself the gift of understanding how to operate the equipment of your own mind. This video is a quick summary of how our imagination serves us in two separate and important processes of our mind – evaluation and creation. Worry is the misuse of imagination ~ Dan Zadra
How sure are you that six o’clock is coming? Pretty darn sure? How sure are you that you will be around for six o’clock? Almost as sure? Yes, six o’clock is coming, and most likely we are going to be around for six o’clock. I used to think that there were three options – I have narrowed it down to two because that third one is not even possible. I used to think that maybe things will be exactly the same at six o’clock as they are right now. Think about it, at the very least you will be a few hours older. You may be more hungry or more tired – it kind of depends on what you did just before six o’clock. Things will definitely NOT be the same at six o’clock. If that is true, then by your own judgment things will be either better or worse
Just be yourself, because everybody else is taken. I first encountered this message on the profile of a young Facebook friend. Now Alex Boye’ has captured it in a song. This inspired me, so I thought to pass it along to you. Thanks for being who you are – nobody else can do it! Choice is your privilege, your birthright, your heritage. Choice is your curse if you fail to exercise it to elevate your life and fuel your endeavors. ~ Stephen Palmer
The love choice is higher ground. Love lifts and heals hurt. As we firmly, but kindly order our mind to do so, our mind will, after some initial resistance, work very hard to support the love choice. The more painful or difficult the situation, the harder it is to choose love, and the more positively life altering it is when we do so. Choose love!
As you may know, I have been preparing for several months now to host the World Hopecast, which is happening this week! My sweetheart, Vicki, shared with me a thought that I wanted to pass along. She asked me a question that got me thinking about the difference between hope and wishing. When you hope for something to happen, there is a positive assumption behind it. When you wish for something to happen, the assumption is negative. Hope is choosing to believe in a desired outcome that serves you well. It is a powerful catalyst of mental resilience and health. Wishing is based more in fantasy and magical thinking. I hope that you will join us for the World Hopecast this week. Let’s combine our hope to instill hope in others and collectively boost the resilience of our species. Hope is being able to see that there is light despite
Why can it be so hard to stay positive? Why is it so easy to get sucked into the negativity trap? Unless there is some force to the contrary, Mother Nature’s default is downhill. Mountains erode, buildings crumble, roads deteriorate, bridges eventually collapse. Rain falls, hits the ground, and flows downhill. This is good. If water didn’t flow downhill, we’d never get rain and it would be pretty much impossible to irrigate the veggies growing out back. Water follows a course of least resistance down through a hoed row in a garden then down to a lower row, and so on. On its way down the row, water sinks down through the soil to the roots of the plants. But what if your garden is uphill from the water source? How do you get the water to flow up? Change the default. Apply constant positive pressure to reverse the default and