We have been talking a bit about fortitude or strengthening ourselves to handle what gets thrown at us. What if you have taken the steps to fortify yourself, but you are still feeling a little overwhelmed? You have probably used the words overwhelmed and underwhelmed. They are opposites. The mere fact that these words describe a spectrum implies that there might be a state of being perfectly whelmed. I began wondering if there is such a word so I looked it up. Basically the definition of whelmed has to do with being completely surrounded by or buried in something. The best example that I can think of is a fish in water. A fish in water is perfectly whelmed or surrounded by, buried in water. What if you were like the fish? And whatever it is surrounding you or burying you right now is simply the water to the fish?…
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One of my core beliefs is that we are all creators. There is an innate desire in each of us to create something. It could be a beautiful garden. It could be expressed through an instrument. It could be pottery. It could be risotto. It could be a story or a book. It could be a hook shot. When we go to our happy place and create, it satisfies something deep within us that gives us the ability to handle what life throws at us. My wife told me a story about my mother-in-law. She was a strong woman who had six kids. She loved to needlepoint and made some fantastic pieces. With six little kids it was hard to find time to needlepoint. When she did sit down, she felt guilty. There were lots of other things that NEEDED to be done. There were dishes to wash. Clothes to…
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We hear a lot about time management, but can you manage time? No, time management is a myth. Sorry to burst your bubble. We all have the same amount of time given to us each day, 24 hours. We spend that time. Each one of us gets the same amount and we all spend it, then we get 24 hours more the next day. We decide what activities we will do to spend that time. I am hearing from a lot of people about the demands being placed on them right now with working from home and having children there, children who are now going back to school, or not. I get asked, "How am I going to help my children and get my job done?" We have to effectively use our time and this will help you to fortify yourself, to strengthen and invigorate yourself to get what you need to do done. We…
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You take care of your kids, who takes care of you? I can hear you now, right, Dr. Paul. Take care of myself? I have little kids, I don’t have a moment to myself all day. I get it, parenting is an all-consuming job. My wife and I have raised four kids and we know it seems sometimes that you will never have another moment to yourself. Now that Vicki and I are closer to the top of the mountain, our perspective has changed. We know that this stage of your life will not last forever. Be intentional about taking care of you. If this feels selfish, well, one of the reasons to take care of you is that the best thing you can give your kids is a happy parent. Taking care of you will allow you to show up more positively in their lives, more patient, more engaged.…
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When we film for YouTube, sometimes we have miss takes. Our miss takes occur because we might have set up the lighting at the wrong angle, a loud noise occurred or I just messed up. The film is stopped and we begin again. We get tipped over when we look at our mistakes as failures. That word leads to a different perspective that causes people to give up. The fear of failure causes people to not even venture, to not even try something because they are afraid of failing. We rob ourselves of valuable learning experiences by not trying. If we can reframe our fear of failure a little differently, then we might want to try again. Robert Kiyosaki is the best-selling author of Rich Dad Poor Dad, and he said, if you really want to succeed, start failing faster. He knows that on the road to success, there are going to be miss…
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OK, I wasn’t sure about this. Really? We have joked at our house about everyday being kid day. Then I read this, “The purpose of this holiday is for parents to celebrate all their children and to show them love and appreciation. On this day, parents all over the United States take time out of their busy schedules to show their children just how much they mean to them.” Wait, this holiday is right up my alley in so many ways. First, we are choosing Love. Something my book, “The Love Choice,” focuses on. Second, when we model love and appreciation to our kids, it is teaching them how to love and appreciate those in their lives who make a difference. Third, it is about slowing down and intentionally thinking about one of the most important relationships in our lives, our children. Without getting too sappy, they are our future…
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Stress, and frustration usually come up, because we feel that things are not the way they should be. Sound familiar anyone? This triggers an emotional response for us as parents when we think things are not how they should be. This happens to our children also. If we see our kids stressed out or getting frustrated, the biggest help we can give them is to take a step back and keep ourselves calm. If our children are frustrated and we become frustrated, we aren’t helping. Take a deep breath and kind of detach for a moment. Check your face. Check your posture, your body language. Check your voice. Maintaining a calm voice, face, and body will show our children how we act when we think things are not the way they should be. Your amazing imagination has the capability of dreaming up scenarios that are either better or worse than…
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You probably think I will tell you to stop comparing your children, but I won’t. I’m not sure you can. I think our psychology is designed in such a way that we constantly compare. You compare yourself all the time, sometimes kind of unfairly. You are going to compare your kids to something whether it's an imagined standard, whether it's to their siblings and the other kids in the family or whether it's to what you think most kids are like. Notice that you're doing it. When you compare your kids to other kids it changes you, specifically your mood because there are processes going on in our mind all the time.You can't turn them off. We are judging or evaluating ourselves, our kids, our circumstances, everything in our life. When I see this happen to families I am coaching often I will call it to their attention. I'll do…
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How are you feeling today? Last time I gave you some ideas on how to create peace of mind by: 1) Getting clear on our sphere of influence and spending more time there and, 2) Figuring out our triggers and making a plan to limit or control them If you missed these you can find the blog article here. The next tip for creating peace is in the music we listen to. I have found that we often try to match our music to our mood and if you are feeling upset or angry it's easy to gravitate toward that upset, angry music. I am suggesting that we can use music to change our mood. It is not easy because if you are feeling upset and angry, you are kind of resonating at this upset, angry level. Some of you might be aware of a concept in physics and music…
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There's all kinds of negative news out there. It just feels like the world is determined to take away your peace of mind. Guess what? You have a choice to create peace of mind in your daily life...you do! Get clear on what your sphere of influence is. You don’t need to worry about what is outside your sphere, focus on what you have control over. Knowing what you control really helps to not feel so tipped over with everything going on. It isn’t ignoring what is happening, in fact, consciously accept the fact that things are happening that disturb you, but when you understand what is outside your control, they are less likely to steal your peace. If there is something that you don’t want to watch on TV, what do you do? Yep, turn the channel. It is the same in our lives, if there is something bugging…
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