live on purpose – Page 22 – Dr. Paul Jenkins

Jan 23

How To Help A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder

By DrPaul M-Power

A viewer of Live On Purpose TV asked, “How do I help a child with reactive attachment disorder?” I've got at least seven ideas to share with you about that. Reactive attachment disorder is something that you may or may not know about already. Most parents who are familiar with reactive attachment disorder have adopted children. This is because reactive attachment disorder is most common in children who are adopted, who have an early history of neglect or failure to attach to a primary caregiver. There has been some kind of other childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. This causes some very problematic things to happen in that child's development. It is so important for children to form a healthy attachment, especially to their primary caregiver. But, also to others who are important in their life. When that is missing in the earliest stages of development, children sometimes don't learn to…

Jan 15

How To Defend Yourself Against Gaslighting

By DrPaul M-Power

One of our viewers recently asked, "Dr. Paul, how do you defend yourself against gaslighting?" I didn't even know what that was to start with. I'll define it for you and give you some clear steps so that you don't get stuck. The term gas lighting comes from a movie that was created back in the 40’s where a man was manipulating this woman in some very subtle psychological ways. Every time that he did certain things, he would adjust the intensity of the gaslights. So that's where the term comes from. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the perpetrator of the manipulation is trying to get the other person to feel like they are crazy or to doubt their own sanity or judgment or perceptions. Sounds fun, right? It's not fun. When you are on the receiving end of the gaslighting, you start to wonder if you…

Jan 13

6 Strategies To Control My Temper With My Child

By DrPaul M-Power

People Before ProblemsRelationships Before RulesValues Before ValuablesMaking Memories Before MessesBabies Before BusinessHumor Before Hassle Paul: It's not the first time we've taken this one on, Vicki. How often does this come up for us? Vicki: All the time, I think. Paul: We get requests. We get comments. We get people asking all the time "How do I control my temper?" Vicki: Yes. Because parenting is such an emotionally charged and important thing we do and so when we lose our temper, well, nobody really wants to do that. They don't want to be the parent with a bad temper. So, let's give parents some steps. Paul: People before problems. One of my colleagues told me recently, "Paul, every problem that we face is a problem with thinking," Vicki: Okay. Paul: Now, he's a psychologist so of course he's going to go that direction. But you know what? As I've thought…

Dec 31

How To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone

By DrPaul M-Power

As a professional psychologist, I work with people all the time on how to forgive others. Today, is a twist on that, how to forgive yourself for hurting someone. I think the first thing that you want to do, get good at forgiveness. In general, I mean. This is a tricky subject especially if we don't fully understand what it is. Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay. You know, we kind of learned that as kids, right? "Oh, it's okay." No, it's not. It's not okay to hurt people. So, don't say that it is. This makes it easier to forgive actually because you aren't lying. Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook for their misdeeds. It's not eliminating the consequences of those misdeeds. Forgiveness is not allowing someone to continue hurting you. So, as I throw out a few of these things that forgiveness is…

Dec 23

How To Have Patience With My Toddler

By DrPaul M-Power

Hey, Vicki. Cammy wrote in asking, "How do I have more patience with my toddler?" I've got some ideas. Do you? Vicki: Yeah. Let's talk about it. Paul: Cammy, we got your back. Stay calm. We can break that down into a tool. So, let's start with C in calm stands for care. Meaning self-care. Vicki: This is so important with toddlers. Paul: You have got to sometimes just take a step back when you are starting to get frustrated and impatient with your child. Make sure that they are safe and that they are cared for, for a minute, then step aside. Do whatever it takes. Take a bath. Do some reading. Go for a quick walk as long as the child is safe, right? You are just going to get a moment to take care of yourself. Paul: One of the barriers that you'll come up against especially…

Nov 09

How To Help Kids With Listening Skills

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Paul: We are not going to jump into all of the psychological aspects of listening so much as the actual mechanics and skills that are associated with listening, and I have Vicki helping me with this as she works will this all the time. Vicki: There is something called central auditory processing. That is where kid's hearing is just fine but for some reason when they hear an instruction or whatever it gets kind of jumbled and they don't know how to process it. Paul: Yeah, the lights are on but nobody's home. Vicki: Yeah, well a little bit. That is kind of few and far between. A lot of children have a hard time listening. It is a skill. I don't know if you've ever googled those videos of the baby who has not had hearing and then they get their first cochlear implant. And they map it and…

Aug 10

Pathological Positivity and Power Tools

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Pathological Positivity and Power Tools Power Tools is the name of Chapter 6 in my book, Pathological Positivity. What a strange name for a chapter in a book that teaches you how to Live On Purpose. What do power tools have to do with positivity? In Chapter 6, I share a treasured experience of moving a shower drain in a 6-inch concrete floor. After chipping away for a week with a hand-held chisel and a two-pound sledge hammer, progress is sloooooow. My handyman neighbor drops by, observes, chuckles, and tells me he will be back in a minute. My neighbor returns with a hammer-drill, little brother of a jackhammer. “Here, plug this in and give er’ a whirl,” he says. There is no comparison of this tool and my little chisel. The power tool definitely made the job quicker, easier and with less perspiration, but without a power source, it would have…

Jul 29

How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Depressed

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

How to Choose to Be Happy With everything on our to do lists and media bombarding us at all times, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and depressed. Would you believe me if I told you there is a way to stop feeling overwhelmed and depressed and choose to be happy? On a recent YouTube episode of Live On Purpose TV, Devan Bosch shared several experiences he has had in doing just this. Devan shared that when we are feeling down, the focus is on ourselves. We are thinking about our wants, our needs, our experiences, our feelings. The arrow, or our focus, is entirely inward. If we stay in this mode for long it is easy to experience victim thoughts and allow past hurts to have centerstage. We need to turn the arrow around, get the focus off ourselves and start thinking about others, what they might be experiencing…

Jul 03

Decide To Get a Fresh Start in Life

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Would You Rather? You Decide! Have you ever played the game, “Would You Rather?” It is a great way to find out how another person feels about something, really anything. All you do is present two options and ask, “Would You Rather?” The questions can be simple from, “Would you rather attend a world-renowned symphony or a major league baseball game between the two worst teams in the league?” Or, more thought provoking, “Would you rather have three happy years left in your life or 50 unhappy years?” With some questions, the choice is clear and sometimes it isn’t, but you have a choice. When we are feeling stuck in our daily lives, we need to remember this simple truth, we have a choice and we can choose to give ourselves a fresh start in life. In a recent YouTube episode, I share five ways that will lead you to a…

Mar 12

Climate Control

By DrPaul M-Power

The weather has been changing a lot here along the Wasatch Front in Utah, with Spring making a definite appearance. I read a post today by Mark Sanborn who made some comparisons between the weather and our moods. He writes, “The wild and varied weather swings of Colorado remind me much of what business and life are like. One day we’re figuratively lying on the beach and the next we’re freezing in a hail storm. Which is your “normal” weather? Over time it is easy to become discouraged and let snow and ice become our normal emotional weather. We still get sunny and warm some occasionally but look at those days as the exception rather than the norm.” Unlike the weather, we have a little “Climate Control” we can do with our lives. Keep a close eye on those prevailing patterns, and see what you can do about a little sunshine…