Dr. Paul Jenkins

Aug 11

Today is National Daughter and Son Day

By DrPaul M-Power

OK, I wasn’t sure about this. Really? We have joked at our house about everyday being kid day. Then I read this, “The purpose of this holiday is for parents to celebrate all their children and to show them love and appreciation. On this day, parents all over the United States take time out of their busy schedules to show their children just how much they mean to them.” Wait, this holiday is right up my alley in so many ways. First, we are choosing Love. Something my book, “The Love Choice,” focuses on. Second, when we model love and appreciation to our kids, it is teaching them how to love and appreciate those in their lives who make a difference. Third, it is about slowing down and intentionally thinking about one of the most important relationships in our lives, our children. Without getting too sappy, they are our future…

Jul 31

Love0

The Risks of Comparing Children

By DrPaul M-Power

You probably think I will tell you to stop comparing your children, but I won’t. I’m not sure you can. I think our psychology is designed in such a way that we constantly compare. You compare yourself all the time, sometimes kind of unfairly. You are going to compare your kids to something whether it’s an imagined standard, whether it’s to their siblings and the other kids in the family or whether it’s to what you think most kids are like. Notice that you’re doing it. When you compare your kids to other kids it changes you, specifically your mood because there are processes going on in our mind all the time.You can’t turn them off. We are judging or evaluating ourselves, our kids, our circumstances, everything in our life. When I see this happen to families I am coaching often I will call it to their attention. I’ll do…

Jul 30

Love0

A Tuning Fork, a Harp and Your Mood

By DrPaul M-Power

How are you feeling today? Last time I gave you some ideas on how to create peace of mind by: 1) Getting clear on our sphere of influence and spending more time there and, 2) Figuring out our triggers and making a plan to limit or control them If you missed these you can find the blog article here. The next tip for creating peace is in the music we listen to. I have found that we often try to match our music to our mood and if you are feeling upset or angry it’s easy to gravitate toward that upset, angry music. I am suggesting that we can use music to change our mood. It is not easy because if you are feeling upset and angry, you are kind of resonating at this upset, angry level. Some of you might be aware of a concept in physics and music…

Jul 28

Love0

Cultivating Peace Of Mind In Daily Life

By DrPaul M-Power

There’s all kinds of negative news out there. It just feels like the world is determined to take away your peace of mind. Guess what? You have a choice to create peace of mind in your daily life…you do! Get clear on what your sphere of influence is. You don’t need to worry about what is outside your sphere, focus on what you have control over. Knowing what you control really helps to not feel so tipped over with everything going on. It isn’t ignoring what is happening, in fact, consciously accept the fact that things are happening that disturb you, but when you understand what is outside your control, they are less likely to steal your peace. If there is something that you don’t want to watch on TV, what do you do? Yep, turn the channel. It is the same in our lives, if there is something bugging…

Jan 06

Love0

How to Calm Down a Hyper Child

By DrPaul M-Power

Many parents have asked me for tricks to calm down a hyper child. I don’t have any tricks, but I’ve got five specific ideas that I think are going to help. The first tip is not going to surprise you at all. You get to be the example of calm and peaceful and centered and mindful. Is that too much pressure? What you do speaks so much louder than what you say. Find ways to show up as that calm parent. I am sure you have noticed that when our kids get a little out of control sometimes that tips us over also. Most of the comments I get on my YouTube channel ask how do I stay calm when my kids are out of control? I will put a link down below to one of the videos in case you want to check it out or any others on…

Dec 23

Love0

How To Have Patience With My Toddler

By DrPaul M-Power

Hey, Vicki. Cammy wrote in asking, “How do I have more patience with my toddler?” I’ve got some ideas. Do you? Vicki: Yeah. Let’s talk about it. Paul: Cammy, we got your back. Stay calm. We can break that down into a tool. So, let’s start with C in calm stands for care. Meaning self-care. Vicki: This is so important with toddlers. Paul: You have got to sometimes just take a step back when you are starting to get frustrated and impatient with your child. Make sure that they are safe and that they are cared for, for a minute, then step aside. Do whatever it takes. Take a bath. Do some reading. Go for a quick walk as long as the child is safe, right? You are just going to get a moment to take care of yourself. Paul: One of the barriers that you’ll come up against especially…

Dec 20

Love0

Five Factors That Determine The Outcome Of Divorce For Children

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

The 5 factors that determine the outcome of divorce for children come from working as a child custody evaluator for the courts for almost 13 years. Honestly, it’s yuck work, not fun. When bitter, angry, divorcing people can’t figure out how to share their kids, it gets messy but I learned a lot of things in that context. These 5 factors that I’m about to share with you can make the difference for your kids. In fact, they’ve been shown through the research to be the 5 factors that determine the outcome of divorce for children. The resource for this is Dr. Elizabeth Ellis. She wrote a compiled book called Divorce Wars. Not a fun read. It’s pretty academic. She has pulled together all of the research that had been done in this area, and suggests that these are the 5 factors that determine the outcome of divorce for children….

Dec 19

Love0

How to Make a Great First Impression

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

First impressions are really important in a lot of different contexts in our life. You think about things like a job interview for example. Or social interactions or workplace interactions with co-workers or a customer or client. Those first impressions are really crucial. Dr. Ann Demarais did some research years ago that illuminated the important aspects in forming a great first impression. She wrote the book “First Impressions,” which I highly recommend. We’ll put a link down below. Dr. Demarais found that how we focus makes a big difference. So, let’s take a look at how Dr. Demarais has set this up. Imagine a quadrant system and we will pick 2 elements to focus on so you can see exactly how this works. In the first column, our focus is how I feel in first person. So, I’m focused on how I feel as opposed to how you feel. Now,…

Dec 17

Love0

How To Control Your Thoughts

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

Honestly, I don’t know if you can control your thoughts. Let’s do a little test. Let’s just try this out. Think about bananas. Think about the color, texture, and taste of bananas. Imagine what they look like, what they feel like. You got it? Okay, step 2. Do not think about grapefruit. You know the round ones that are sour and they kind of squirt you in the eye when you stick a spoon in them? Do not think about grapefruit. How are you doing? Oh! You’re thinking about grapefruit, aren’t you? I told you not to. What’s wrong? Well, can you control your thoughts? Notice it’s not too hard to intentionally think about something on purpose. It’s really hard to intentionally not think about something on purpose. There are so many triggers in our environment. I can be driving down the freeway in my car and suddenly I’m thinking…

Dec 17

Love0

6 Steps to Avoid Holiday Stress

By Cyndi Baker M-Power

I have 6 holiday stress tips to help you this holiday season. I could probably get away with just one if it’s this: Can the shoulds. Can them. Get rid of them. We too often put expectations on ourselves that overwhelm us. We feel frustrated because we are not where we should be. We are not doing things we should do. Do you see where the should creeps in all over the place? What if we were to take everything that’s on your should list and just throw it out. Toss it out the window. No more shoulds. What would happen? Oh, you might not get all of that stuff done? But it’s okay because it’s not a should anymore. Some may say, “Oh, but Dr. Paul, I want to do this.” Oh, well, that’s different. Do you want to do this stuff? Are you doing it because you should…

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