One of our younger viewers on our YouTube Channel asked, “Dr. Paul, can you tell us the best way to totally manipulate our parents?” And I can. Parents, before you run screaming away, stick with me because I think you are going to like the final answer. Let's explore a few options first.
Maybe, the best way for you to totally manipulate your parents is to just tell them what they want to hear. You know what they want to hear. So, just tell them that.
Vicki, you are a mom. Can you tell if they're doing that?
Vicki: Usually I can tell right away.
Paul: Can you tell if they're doing that as a parent? Yeah, you can. It stinks a little. I mean you can kind of smell it. You can see it coming. Tell them what they want to hear.
Vicki: No. That's not it.
Paul: Well do you have another idea?
Vicki: How about manipulate your parents by just suck it up and do whatever they want you to do? They want you to do certain things so maybe that's what you do.
Paul: Arguably, probably a better answer than the first one. Because you're not just talking. You're actually stepping up and doing something. That carries a little more weight. But honestly, Vicki, I'm thinking about that as a parent. And there have been times, even our kids who are great kids. They're all grown now. They would do something that we comply but the whole time it was just kind of “Ugh..” You know, they're acting put out.
Vicki: I think sometimes we forget that as a parent, it's not all about what our kids do. We want them to become wonderful, happy, adjusted, responsible people. And so, when you're just going through the emotions, just do it because they said to do it. They're not actually becoming anything. So, just doing it, just to do it. Is that the best way?
Paul: No. That's not it either.
Vicki: Okay, what's another idea?
Paul: Okay, I got it. Get better at staying underground. At sneaking around, at not getting caught.
Vicki: Do what you want, but just don't get caught.
Paul: Yes.
Vicki: That's one way to manipulate.
Paul: Oh, what do you think?
Vicki: Yeah. I don't think that's going to do it for you. Because you know what? Here's the thing: I learned as a mom that you see almost everything. And your mom and dad are just choosing which ones to pay attention to because your parents are going to find out one way or another what's going on.
Paul: Parents can you relate to this too? Sometimes, you just have a gut feeling that what you are seeing doesn't match what's actually going on.
Vicki: So, just kind of flying under the radar and doing what you want but not getting caught, is that the way to…
Paul: No. Not it.
Vicki: Alright. one tactic I think that's really important to talk about and it might be a really good way of manipulating is just learning how to use your very best skills, your persuasion that you have developed for these last 10 years and really persuade your parents through giving them all of the reasons to see why your way is the best way.
Paul: Prove it to then.
Vicki: Prove to them that you know what should happen.
Paul: Use those sweet debating skills. And honestly, a lot of teens are better debaters than their parents are. So, use that brilliant mind of yours and those sweet debating skills… Yeah, prove that they're wrong. What do you think?
Vicki: I don't think going to…
Paul: Okay, this one. This one has got to be it. Point out all the ways that they are messing up as parents.
Vicki: Yeah. Play on their guilt.
Paul: Yes. And shame. Guilt and shame. Because parents want to be good parents. And if you let them know that they are not good parents…
Vicki: Or maybe they don't even know they're not. So, you got to make sure they know.
Paul: You better let them know everything that they're doing wrong.
Vicki: This is getting worse, isn't it?
Paul: Yeah. These are for fighting. I don't think that's going to work either. It's not going to do it. Now, we've shared these with you so that you can see some of the common tactics or strategies that are used. Parents, you maybe wanted to run away at the beginning of the video because you were afraid we were going to suggest some of those things.
Vicki: And it's like your child already kind of knows these, right?
Paul: They've already tried them on you. You know what the number one way is? I have learned this through clinical experience through over 30 years now of being a father myself. Through having been a kid and tried some of these tactics when I was younger. The number one way to totally manipulate your parents and it works every time is to get them to trust you.
Vicki: What? That's manipulating?
Paul: Totally. Now, the word manipulation may be overstating it a little bit.
Vicki: Hopefully you are getting your desired outcome.
Paul: Vicki, as a mom, what does it do to you when you trust your kids? And you're not pretending. You legitimately trust them? What does that do to your maternal mind?
Vicki: Well, I know what I can allow them to do and what I what I'm going to get. Remember our desire is not to control as a parent. It is to be a collaborator.
Paul: Which we are happy to do when we trust our kids. Hey, this is powerful. If you are a parent listening to this, share it with your kids. If you are a teenager listening to this, trust me. Through the experience that I've had, this is the number one way to get whatever you want from your parents. And the thing is, if you can get them to trust you, you are not going to violate that trust by doing one of the other goofy things that we shared with you.
Vicki: Yeah. Because remember, number 3 or something like that is to just kind of do it but not get caught. That's not true trust.
Paul: No.
Vicki: Trust is that you really are, who you say you are. You do what you say you're going to do. You show up the way you say you're going to show up. And so, when you start doing that, you are showing maturity and the parent can hand over trust.
Paul: Yes. Now, a quick word about trust. It's kind of like a bank account. You can build it up over time. You do that by making deposits. Now, a deposit, a trust deposit is when you do it you said you were going to do, you be where you said you were going to be. You take initiative to do things of your own free will and choice.
Vicki: And you take responsibility for the choices that didn't work out.
Paul: Own it.
Vicki: Because that's part of it too.
Paul: Even accepting the answer no helps to build trust with your parents. If you don't get to do what you wanted to do today because they said no but you accept that graciously, that is a deposit. You are building your trust account. Now, something I've learned about bank accounts, you can make withdrawals too. When you make a withdrawal, you don't have a balance. So, if you are building up this trust and then you decide you are going to sneak out or do something that you promised you wouldn't do or that is against the rules of the family or whatever it is, that's like taking a big withdrawal out of that account and you lose the trust. So, you have to make constant deposits into that trust account. Once you get your parents to trust you, you can get them to do anything for you.
The Best Way For KIDS To Totally MANIPULATE Their Parents I don't think we covered the whole list. If you have some other ideas that you want to share with the other parents here in our community, please take a moment to make a comment.