Let’s take the example of someone in a relationship that is not serving them well.
It could be a relationship where you desire affection and want to spend time with your partner. They say they are committed, but they continue to schedule things ahead of you and don’t put you first. They avoid talking about the relationship and brush off your attempts to spend time together.
People often tell me that they love this person and can’t let them go. Yet, they are disappointed, hurt and experience rejection multiple times a week if not daily.
They see letting go of the relationship as giving up.
Letting go and giving up are very different things.
In letting something go, we are letting go of the expectation that the other party will be able to give us what we need. We are letting go so we can get something better.
Giving up means we aren’t willing to do the hard work that would be necessary to get the result we want.
I like work, even hard work. Oftentimes it is necessary to do hard work to get results. I have witnessed couples and families who have done hard work and come out more satisfied, happier and fulfilled.
If you have put in the hard work and are not getting the results you desire, is it wise to continue to put so much time and effort into something that is not paying back?
That is something you will have to answer for yourself.
Try to assess where your hard work will yield the best results and then dig in.
When you have done the hard work, don’t beat yourself up. Step back and let go. Letting go may actually give you the space and time to think and reframe how you viewed the relationship.
Only you can decide when to let go.
Dr. Paul