Stress, and frustration usually come up, because we feel that things are not the way they should be.
Sound familiar anyone?
This triggers an emotional response for us as parents when we think things are not how they should be. This happens to our children also.
If we see our kids stressed out or getting frustrated, the biggest help we can give them is to take a step back and keep ourselves calm. If our children are frustrated and we become frustrated, we aren’t helping.
Take a deep breath and kind of detach for a moment.
Check your face.
Check your posture, your body language.
Check your voice.
Maintaining a calm voice, face, and body will show our children how we act when we think things are not the way they should be.
Your amazing imagination has the capability of dreaming up scenarios that are either better or worse than what we have.
Consider this, what is happening now is neutral. We put a judgement on our circumstances.
When we think something just went totally wrong it means our expectations have been violated and we are assigning a negative value to the circumstance.
We really don't want our children to experience difficulty, pain, and frustration. We want them to learn things, and we want them to be resilient.
So, we have a dilemma.
Resiliency is a buzzword in education because a child who is resilient will keep trying, they don’t give up. They are much more likely to be successful.
Resilient children handle their frustration in a positive way.
We sometimes want to rob our children of the natural consequences that come with their choices and their behavior that lead to their frustration.
Rob them? No, you say, I saved them from feeling bad.
Nope, you robbed them of the opportunity to grow and gain resiliency. To learn how to handle THEIR frustration.
I get asked all the time, “How do I help my child deal with frustration?”
What they actually mean is, “How do I help my child get out of a tantrum?”
It is important to experience frustration and then learn some great ways to deal with their frustration because our children are going to have frustration in their lifetime.
Allow the consequences to happen.
When we step in and solve problems for our children and not allow them to figure out what they should do, we are sending the message, “I don't think you can really do this.”
Ouch!
Is that what we really to say to our kids? Will that help them to grow up to be resilient?
Our message should be, “I can see that you are frustrated, I know you can handle it, and I'm here to support you.”
One way we can take some of the anxiety and frustration from our children when they are dealing with hard decisions is to express our confidence in them and assure them that regardless of what they choose we will always love them, no matter what and even if… Their value to us will not change.
I hope that helps, if you have any comments, please leave them below.
Dr Paul
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