You’ve heard it before right? Happiness is a choice. That can sometimes be offensive, especially when I’m not feeling happy. What are you saying? That it’s my fault?! The thing is, until we see it as a choice, it’s not. This is because of a process in our own mind that puts most of our thinking on auto-pilot. We don’t even think about things that we have already programmed into the neural pathways of our mind, so the very processes causing our emotional experience are not even noticed. They are obvious, but unnoticed, until they are called to our attention. This is why I love my job so much – I get to illuminate the obvious, which puts people in position to actually have more choice and control. I’ve summarized the two main processes that make happiness a choice (evaluation and creation) in this 16-minute video. Will you help me share…
Problems! We all have them. They vary by size, duration, intensity, and focus. You walk out to your car. It's tilting a little funny and you notice that one of the rear tires is flat. You think, "Oh, great! I don't need this today." Your mind automatically goes to how much it is going to cost to replace the tire. Not only that, you will probably have to replace the other rear tire and maybe you should just do all four. Where will you get the money since you just had to replace your refrigerator? The problem of a deflated tire has now ballooned into financial crisis. You bend down for a closer look at the tire. Someone pulled a prank by letting the air out. All you have to do is pump it up and you are on your way again. You feel a little miffed, a little embarrassed,…
Read More
We usually make resolutions because we want to change something in our lives, we want to improve. We believe that by making this change, our lives will be richer and we will be happier. So, why doesn’t everyone make resolutions? Changing means messing with our auto-pilot and that takes us out of our comfort zone. Yet, if we want to attain our goals, we must feel uncomfortable for a while, the same way when we want to become stronger and begin exercising, our muscles are sore for a time. If we want growth, we need to stretch and reach beyond our normal limits. In my recent YouTube Video, “Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone,” I give you 12 hacks to stretch yourself. As you implement these ideas and discover the world does not end, you become more confident and willing to try new things. This is the mindset that will…
Read More
This might be a misnomer – can we ever really balance it? Maybe the goal here is to be clear about priorities. Do you want to have everything balanced, or do you want to spend most of your time where it matters most at the right times? One way to prioritize your time, efforts, and resources is to focus on five key relationships. Here's how it stacks up: Your Creator - I'm not your spiritual leader, but I acknowledge here that we all have to come to terms with our source. Your Self - Most people forget that this is actually a relationship, and thereby neglect one of the most important ones. Your Family - And within family there is a lineup as well: Spouse Children Extended Other People - Including clients, coworkers, customers, starving children in Africa. Things - Including money and property In my experience, keeping these key…
Read More
Why do the holidays become stressful? Often the answer to that question is that we get tied up in all of the "to do"s and "by when"s that are implied in getting everything done. The holidays are for people, not the other way around. Let's look at an acronym that can help us better handle holiday stress: B - Breathe - Take a moment to get perspective on what the holidays are all about. In addition to that, actually focusing for a moment on your breathing can help to move your brain from the protective fight or flight response into a more calm mode of functioning. E - Eating and Exercise - Your brain is part of your body. In fact it is the biggest energy hog of any organ in your system. Sometimes during the holidays we neglect the important physical care of our brain and body. Use moderation in eating…
Read More
This has been a very popular topic for my recent trainings and keynotes, and has a profound implication for leadership. Think about your own thinking for a moment and notice that whenever you are in a conversation, communication, or interaction with another person, your focus is somewhere. Paying attention to feelings, in the first column my focus is on How I Feel, and in the second column my focus is on How You Feel. Now who is it about? In the top row, my focus is About Me. In the bottom row my focus is About You. We overlay these two dimensions to form a quadrant model. With both dimensions combined, we see that our focus could be in one of these four areas. In the upper left my focus is on how I feel about myself. In the upper right my focus is on how you feel about me.…
Read More
A couple in my office recently heard me say, "You need a new marriage." She looked at me with surprise in her face, they were paying me to help them save their marriage, not to tell them they need a new one. "Keep your spouse, " I responded, "and get a new marriage." Better is always different - by definition. That isn't always true the other way around, and that's why different can seem scary. If we truly want an upgrade, it depends on our willingness to change. The good news is... You can upgrade your relationship today, right now, without materially changing anything about your spouse or situation. Try this: Find gratitude in where you are right now without changing anything. Notice the good and focus on it. This doesn't make the bad go away, what it does is changes your position. Through gratitude for what it is, you…
Read More
“Buy now while supplies last! Get while the getting is good. All good things must come to an end.” There is never enough. Never enough good deals. Never enough stuff in our closet or garage. Never enough time, money, love, attention. Sometimes we operate in a constant perception of scarcity. From a position of scarcity, not only can we never have enough, we can never do enough, or be enough. This scarcity focus starts first thing in the morning with a depressed groan, “I never get enough sleep.” “I don’t have the energy to do this.” “I don’t have time.” In scarcity mode we constantly feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied. We always need more. Scarcity perception causes us to grab, hoard, cling to, all we can. We are there in force on Black Friday (which is now creeping in on Thursday). We shop in a feeding frenzy, climbing over and pushing…
Read More
Read More
Have you wondered how to stay positive when things are so hard? Our mind is an amazing tool that, when properly used, can assist us to stay in positivity mode no matter what. Take ten minutes to give yourself the gift of understanding how to operate the equipment of your own mind. This video is a quick summary of how our imagination serves us in two separate and important processes of our mind - evaluation and creation. Worry is the misuse of imagination ~ Dan Zadra
Read More
How sure are you that six o'clock is coming? Pretty darn sure? How sure are you that you will be around for six o'clock? Almost as sure? Yes, six o'clock is coming, and most likely we are going to be around for six o'clock. I used to think that there were three options - I have narrowed it down to two because that third one is not even possible. I used to think that maybe things will be exactly the same at six o'clock as they are right now. Think about it, at the very least you will be a few hours older. You may be more hungry or more tired - it kind of depends on what you did just before six o'clock. Things will definitely NOT be the same at six o'clock. If that is true, then by your own judgment things will be either better or worse…
Read More