DrPaul – Page 27 – Dr. Paul Jenkins

Jan 02

Anger Management For Mothers

By DrPaul M-Power

Hey moms, you probably never feel angry at your kids, do you? Of course you do and there is nothing wrong with you. There are ways to understand and manage the anger. Let's put this in a top ten list, it will help us put some organization around it. Number 10 is a basic understanding of anger. What is anger and how does it work inside of the human psyche and in interactions with other people? The quick version is our brain is designed to watch out for and monitor and pick up on threat. Anything that threatens us, kicks us into fight-or-flight mode. Can you see how that relates to anger because usually with anger it's a fight mode of taking on a threat. This is not helpful when we are talking about parenting and being a mom because if you are fighting the problem gets bigger. Understand how…

Dec 31

How To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone

By DrPaul M-Power

As a professional psychologist, I work with people all the time on how to forgive others. Today, is a twist on that, how to forgive yourself for hurting someone. I think the first thing that you want to do, get good at forgiveness. In general, I mean. This is a tricky subject especially if we don't fully understand what it is. Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay. You know, we kind of learned that as kids, right? "Oh, it's okay." No, it's not. It's not okay to hurt people. So, don't say that it is. This makes it easier to forgive actually because you aren't lying. Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook for their misdeeds. It's not eliminating the consequences of those misdeeds. Forgiveness is not allowing someone to continue hurting you. So, as I throw out a few of these things that forgiveness is…

Dec 28

How To Handle An Interfering Mother In Law

By DrPaul M-Power

Do you ever wonder where all of the mother-in-law jokes and all the mother-in-law stories come from? It's because people actually have these experiences. You know what, though? Most people don't want to be that person. That's going to be really important as we come back to how to handle it in just a little bit. First, let's review our 5 key relationships. Now, this is Dr. Paul's opinion, okay? Over almost 3 decades of clinical experience working with people just like you I've come to this conclusion about relationships. There are 5 key relationships. In this order: Number 1, your Creator. I'm not here as your spiritual guide or as your ecclesiastical leader. I'm just acknowledging that it's really important for us as human beings to come to some sense of where we came from. Our source. Our Creator. Whatever that is for you, connect with that. That's your…

Dec 27

Ending Nighttime Battles

By DrPaul M-Power

The top 10 ways to stop the bedtime battles - number 10 is lay off the caffeine and the sugar. That seems obvious, doesn't it? It can be really challenging but especially after about noon or 2, you really don’t want to introduce any caffeine into their diets. Really, we want to limit the caffeine intake anyway and kids become very fond of things like sodas and things that might have a high caffeine content. The research of Stanford University suggests that caffeine is one of the top 3 culprits for disturbing sleep. Number 9 on our countdown is blue light, like the kind of light that emanates from electronic screens. Tablets, laptops, and televisions are very high in blue light content and the science behind this is that blue light as opposed to other parts of the spectrum, trigger the arousal sequence of our brain. It's like when the…

Dec 26

My Child Doesn’t Want To Go To School

By DrPaul M-Power

Doc, helped me, my child doesn't want to go to school. I've heard it from other parents too. We want to talk more about principle than specific techniques. I believe if you have the right principles down, that's going to help you come up with the right application or the techniques to support those principles. So, principle number 1 is - diagnosis before treatment. Sounds like an appropriate thing for the doc to say, right? We have to appropriately diagnose what's going on before the treatment makes any sense. What if you were to go to the eye doctor and you said, "Doc, I can't see very well." And he says, "Oh here, try these and he takes his own glasses off and hands them to you. No, that's not going to work because he needs to diagnose what's going on with your eyes and then treat appropriately to that…

Dec 24

Aging or Ageless

By DrPaul M-Power

I just had a conversation with one of my clients that I really wanted to share with you. You know how we make a big deal about exercise and getting enough sleep and eating a balanced diet because we are taking care of our body? Her comment to me today was, “I feel better emotionally when I'm exercising.” It reminded me of an experience I had a couple of years ago with Ron Zeller. Ron is the author of Aging or Ageless. He is a world-class leadership expert. I got a chance to interview Ron just a few months before he passed away from cancer and this wasn't the first time he had cancer. He had lots of experience dealing with the body and health. As I was going into his home to interview him Ron said to me, “Paulie,” and he is the only person on the planet that…

Dec 23

How To Have Patience With My Toddler

By DrPaul M-Power

Hey, Vicki. Cammy wrote in asking, "How do I have more patience with my toddler?" I've got some ideas. Do you? Vicki: Yeah. Let's talk about it. Paul: Cammy, we got your back. Stay calm. We can break that down into a tool. So, let's start with C in calm stands for care. Meaning self-care. Vicki: This is so important with toddlers. Paul: You have got to sometimes just take a step back when you are starting to get frustrated and impatient with your child. Make sure that they are safe and that they are cared for, for a minute, then step aside. Do whatever it takes. Take a bath. Do some reading. Go for a quick walk as long as the child is safe, right? You are just going to get a moment to take care of yourself. Paul: One of the barriers that you'll come up against especially…

Dec 18

If Only I had Spent More Time at the Office

Work and Life Balance

By DrPaul M-Power

This might be a misnomer – can we ever really balance it? Maybe the goal here is to be clear about priorities. Do you want to have everything balanced, or do you want to spend most of your time where it matters most at the right times? One way to prioritize your time, efforts, and resources is to focus on five key relationships. Here's how it stacks up: Your Creator - I'm not your spiritual leader, but I acknowledge here that we all have to come to terms with our source. Your Self - Most people forget that this is actually a relationship, and thereby neglect one of the most important ones. Your Family - And within family there is a lineup as well: Spouse Children Extended Other People - Including clients, coworkers, customers, starving children in Africa. Things - Including money and property In my experience, keeping these key…

Dec 12

BELLS for Holiday Stress

By DrPaul M-Power

Why do the holidays become stressful? Often the answer to that question is that we get tied up in all of the "to do"s and "by when"s that are implied in getting everything done. The holidays are for people, not the other way around. Let's look at an acronym that can help us better handle holiday stress: B - Breathe - Take a moment to get perspective on what the holidays are all about. In addition to that, actually focusing for a moment on your breathing can help to move your brain from the protective fight or flight response into a more calm mode of functioning. E - Eating and Exercise - Your brain is part of your body. In fact it is the biggest energy hog of any organ in your system. Sometimes during the holidays we neglect the important physical care of our brain and body. Use moderation in eating…

Dec 04

The Influence Quadrant

By DrPaul M-Power

This has been a very popular topic for my recent trainings and keynotes, and has a profound implication for leadership. Think about your own thinking for a moment and notice that whenever you are in a conversation, communication, or interaction with another person, your focus is somewhere. Paying attention to feelings, in the first column my focus is on How I Feel, and in the second column my focus is on How You Feel. Now who is it about? In the top row, my focus is About Me. In the bottom row my focus is About You. We overlay these two dimensions to form a quadrant model. With both dimensions combined, we see that our focus could be in one of these four areas. In the upper left my focus is on how I feel about myself. In the upper right my focus is on how you feel about me.…