People come to me and say, Dr. Paul, I want to be a better person, a better mom. 

I want to develop better relationships or people skills. 

I want to be happier or more positive. 

And I ask them, so that…? 

The things they want to accomplish are all good, they are admirable, but the “so that” behind each of these is very important. It tells me what is driving them. 

If someone comes to me and says I want to be more successful in my job and I ask, “So that…,” they could answer:

So that I can make more money.

So that I can support my family.

So that I can have honors and recognition.

So that I can make a difference in people’s lives. 

None of these are bad, and they are also not mutually exclusive. We can make a difference in lives, earn a living and be recognized, but if we are just going for recognition, then we aren’t putting what matters first, and that is people.

When we deliver something that helps people, and that is a primary motivation, then the other pieces are an outgrowth of that work to help others. 

I have developed something called the influence quadrant that helps to explain how this works. When we are focused on helping others, and not thinking of ourselves, when it is less about me and more about you, then we will have more influence. 

We will get along better with others.

We will be supportive and generous.

Others will recognize our stand up attitude.

Others will want what we have and then we can level up all the “so that’s.”

If you need help getting to the next level in your job, relationships, or parenting, schedule a call to speak with one of our Client Experience Guides at

Dr. Paul