No matter the reason someone comes into my office, what issue they are getting stuck with, we almost always have to do some work with what we control and what we don’t.
It can be difficult or freeing when someone realizes that they don’t have control over something they have been trying to control.
It is good news when we identify something we CAN control and begin to take steps to gain the skills to get us unstuck.
Your emotional quotient, your emotional intelligence is something that we can improve over time, with the right skills.
Getting hired, being promoted or better emotional health are all possible results of increasing your emotional intelligence.
When we create deeper connections with others, new possibilities open up.
The first thing you can do is take a breath.
Don’t jump to conclusions. Take the initial thought that comes into your head and form it into a question so you can clarify.
“When you said that you had completed the project, did you mean your part or the entire project?”
Sometimes people say things without thinking about how they sound to others.
You aren’t in his head and don’t know what his thoughts are, so get clarification.
He was relieved that his part was completed and he was simply expressing his relief that he had completed his portion of the work.
What if you had jumped to the first thought in your head? “Really, are you trying to take credit for all the work that the team has put in over the last two weeks?”
Do you see how confrontational that is? Do you see the assumption of intent that wasn’t there?
When we react to others, we aren’t thinking. We are just going off our first thought and that doesn’t lead to understanding. When we clarify we get more information.
Make that a deeeeeeep breath, or better yet, a few.
This stops the reaction and engages the prefrontal cortex to do some thinking, some problem-solving.
This will also help when there is a conflict, to seek to find a resolution, not to win the argument.
A resolution may not get you everything you wanted, but it will leave relationships intact. And who knows how or when you might need that relationship in the future.
Seek to understand others. This develops empathy and when we use empathy, we create bonds that will help solidify our relationships and create more teamwork.
There is a lot packed into this one little post. Sometimes putting these ideas into action can be difficult for individuals. A coach can help with your plan, motivate you, and hold you accountable.
Our Live On Purpose Institute Coaches are there to help you. Scheduled your no-cost breakthrough call today at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall to find out what we offer.
Dr. Paul
Don’t jump to conclusions.
Ask clarifying questions.
Take a breath.
Respond, don’t react.
Seek to find a resolution, not to be right. Win/win
Seek to Understand