We've all wondered it from time to time how do you get someone to like you. You know what? I learned this from some little kids. I've shared with you before that I spent (Wow) probably 12 or 13 years of my career doing child custody evaluations. I did a lot of psychological evaluations and interviews with children, little kids. And they taught me so much. I used to have this instrument that I would use with children called a sentence completion test. And it's not really a test. It's more of an exercise to pry out some of their thinking. There are sentence stems and then there's a blank at the end. And you read the stem to them and they fill in the blank. And one of these was “To make friends, you have to…” Now, how did you answer that? You know what? Over 90% of the kids that I showed that stem with had the same answer. “Be nice.” Yeah to make friends you have to be nice. Aren't you glad you asked? Yeah, it's that simple. Yep, be nice.
One of my colleagues and a guy that I've admired for a long time as Mark Gungor. Mark has a viral video that went out about a tale of two brains. You've probably seen it where he talks about men's brains and women's brains. Well Mark is a pastor, he is a counselor and a thought leader in the area of relationships. And in his book Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage, Mark said it comes down to 2 words. You know where I'm going with this, don't you? Be nice. And notice that you've got a choice here too. Be nice. How do you get people to like you? Well, that's pretty much it.
We did a video not too long ago about how to form a good first impression. Go check that one out. And another one also about, “How to get people to open up to you?” I described in those 2 videos a quadrant system. I call it the influencer quadrant. You're going to get some mileage out of that. If you go look at that in the context of how to get people to like you. So, I won't repeat all of that here. You can watch that in the other two videos. But it occurred to me that one of the things about being nice that I think would be really useful here is to give people gifts. Alright. Now, I'm not saying this because I want you to send me a gift. Although I wouldn't reject it if you did. I'm talking about social gifts. I was introduced to these social gifts by Dr. Ann Demarais First Impressions. And if she described what social gifts are… There's 4 of them, okay? You can get people to like you more by giving these social gifts consistently. So, let's look at the 4 social gifts. The first one is appreciation and gratitude. It's a social gift. You can give this to anyone as you ask in your mind. Well, what is it that I'm grateful for about that person? And try to be as specific as you can. Giving the gift of gratitude and appreciation changes how people respond to you, because they feel something. Think about how you feel if someone expresses appreciation for you. How does it feel when someone says to you, “Hey, you know what? I sure appreciate that you did that thing for me.” Yeah, doesn't that just feel awesome? It does. And the person who's delivering the gift goes up in your esteem and your liking of them. Same things gonna happen for you if you want to get people to like you more. Give them some gratitude and appreciation. Show a little love here, okay?
The second social gift is to create connection and commonality. What do you have in common with that person? This is very validating. When you meet someone for the first time for example. And you're talking a little bit about what you do or they are talking about what they do and you find something that matches, that comes together, that you have in common, it gives you a little connection with that person, doesn't it? Yeah. So, give the social gift of connection and commonality. It usually sounds something like, “Oh, you're interested in leather craft? I used to do leather craft when I was a teenager. Loved it. What have you done recently?” It might be a sport. It might be a hobby. It might be a place. You see this all the time. You know when you go to a show and the speaker or the comedian or the entertainer up on the stage says, “I'm from Lubbock, Texas.” And you get cheers from back there in those seats, right? Everybody's like, “Yeah, Texas!” Or wherever it is. They get all excited. In fact, you guys who are from Lubbock, Texas. You're getting a little excited right now, aren't you? Because there's some commonality. You're like, “Oh, wow. That's my place.” And it causes people to like you more when you identify something that you have in common.
Number three is enlightenment and knowledge. And remember, think of this as a social gift. It's something that you're giving to someone. If you can increase their fund of knowledge, they will naturally like you more. Try to focus in on something that is relevant to them or some of the things that you have in common. This way you can kind of magnify the social gifts. It usually shows up in the form of, “Hey, did you know…?” And then you give them that new piece of information. Okay? Or you know what I heard? And then you give them the new piece of information. This particular social gift is all about increasing their fund of knowledge. And they will like you more as they receive that gift from you.
Let's go to the fourth one. Elevation and positivity. You knew I'd get to positivity, right? Because I'm the positivity guy. Yeah, of course. We're going to go there. Elevation is just what it sounds like. What does an elevator do? It lifts people, right? It takes them to a higher place. You want to lift or edify or enrich them. And particularly their mood. That's why positivity is so important in this equation. So, as we elevate people, it can be as simple as smiling. Just give them a good genuine smile. And that lifts them a little bit. You see people smiling, it just changes your day. Try this out on the street. You know, as you're walking along and you see somebody and just give them a big old smile. Right? They're going to think you're up to something. It might weird him out a little bit. But we're talking about helping people to have an elevated mood. Humor is an important part of this particular social gift to give them something that they can laugh a little bit about or chuckle. Okay? Or just experience a little bit of elation and joy in the moment. So.. Smiling, humor, having a pleasant disposition, having a positive attitude about things. That's the fourth social gift.
How do we get people to like us more? Be nice! And that also means giving some social gifts. You don't have to do anything or give me to like you.