The saddest part of YouTube is some of the comments. Sometimes people will write in and say because of (insert bad thing), their life is ruined, it is awful and will never get better.
Hope is missing. We NEED hope in our lives.
The episode of Live On Purpose Radio this week features Denise Bossarte. We were discussing her new book, Thriving After Sexual Abuse: Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love.
It struck me that hers was a life of prolonged sexual abuse by a family member.
She could have been one of those people who said her life was ruined because of what was done to her when she had no defenses.
Denise’s message is the complete opposite.
And she comes with some credibility.
She has done exactly what her book title proclaims. She has broken the bondage of her past and is living a life she loves.
There were some very tangible ways she has done this.
We discuss several of these on the episode, here are a few:
Take Hold of the Present. The past is gone. Do the hard work to deal with what happened and then begin imagining the life you want. Don’t allow the past to rob you of the present.
Denise also confronts the negative voices that can come into play when experiencing abuse. These might be the voices of, “I am inadequate.” “I am not good enough.” “I am unlovable.” “I can never measure up.” Instead of just saying to ignore the voices, Denise says those voices were trying to help you in the past, but that now you are a different person and to thank them for what they helped you do – survive. Now, it is time to move on.
This can be powerful. It is a mind shift and one of gratitude for what your young mind was trying to do to save you from experiences you were not mentally ready for.
Tell yourself that you are a different person now and replace the negative language with positive language. It takes practice, but is possible to reverse.
The alternative is being miserable. As Denise said, “If I have the strength to survive that, I have the strength and the determination to move past that.” This is done through intentional work.
Look for what brings you joy. What do you crave more of in your life? Make that happen more often.
What is your creative outlet? It doesn’t have to be just singing, dancing, or writing.
There is so much more that we can’t share here. In fact, there is an entire book.
If you have been abused, get the help and support you need to confront the past. Break from the abuse, then the thinking that resonated from the abuse, then any negative behaviors that stem from those acts and thoughts. Replace them with positivity so they can’t creep back in.
Choose the life you want to Live On Purpose.
Dr. Paul