Some research has suggested that yelling is just as psychologically damaging to a child as is child abuse. I’m not sure if that is completely true, but yelling can make our children feel that they are not loved.
One of the most traumatic experiences for a child is to feel unloved.
You know my mantra, love your child no matter what and even if…
In case you are feeling slightly uneasy right now, know you are not alone.
The researchers also pointed out that almost every parent yells at their child at some point.
Spanking and physical or corporal punishment is now considered to be abuse and that leaves parents feeling frustrated, depleted and overwhelmed.
So they YELL.
I am not talking about the times when your child’s safety is at risk. Of course if there is a car coming and you need to alert your child, you are going to YELL!
We are talking about the chronic everyday yelling that causes parent deafness.
Your child will just tune you out, they have heard it all before, it’s not comfortable, so they become deaf to their parents' words.
I have parents who say, but my kids don’t listen until I yell. That is because the yelling is signaling that something else is going to happen if I don’t pay attention right now.
Give your kids a reason to listen the first time you talk, in a normal voice. They respond to what you say or there will be a consequence. Don’t wait to give them the reason to move, the 10th time you ask and finally yell. Ask them nicely and if they don’t respond, in the same level voice, give them the reason they need to listen to you now.
We call this turning your words from garbage to gold.
Yelling not only has negative impact on the child, it can negatively affect the parent.
It damages their self-confidence.
They don’t feel like they have control. They feel guilt and shame about the way they are showing up for their kids and communicating.
When you yell, you are modeling to your child how to handle conflict.
Is that the way you want them to behave?
You don’t yell when you are feeling calm, happy and heard.
You yell when you are frustrated, tired, overwhelmed.
Don’t you wish you were never frustrated, tired, or overwhelmed again?
I do.
But, that is unrealistic,
It is going to happen. You will probably yell at your child.
Turn it into a learning opportunity.
Apologize to your child.
Model to them what they need to do when they mess up. Apologize and do better.
Dr. Paul
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
― Maya Angelou