On the victim pendulum, one extreme is blaming someone or something else for everything that happens to you. “I'ts not my fault!” is the victim's creed, as they look to favorite targets to blame for their misery – whether that be the economy, their ex-spouse, the government, their parents, or whatever. The other extreme of the victim pendulum is not as commonly discussed, but far too commonly experienced. At the other end of the pendulum swing is blaming self. This is where you have created all of the misery in your own life and in the lives of those around you through your foolish choices. You become a victim of yourself as you beat yourself up for being the cause of your misery. Consider these four questions as you get back to accountability, and avoid the extreme swings of the victim pendulum.
- How is this about me? Remember everything has a personal and an impersonal component and some part of this is yours.
- How did I create this? Similar to the first question, there are some things that you control and some things that you don't. Be very clear about what choices and actions of your own contributed to where you are.
- What can I learn from this? An acknowledgement that all of life's experiences carry value if you will learn the lessons that they provide.
- What is my commitment to myself and others moving forward?
The troops aren't coming… WE are the troops!
Mary Louise Zeller
Great post Dr Paul. Thank you for shedding additional light on this subject. It was very enlightening.