Several of my clients just this week have been concerned that they are becoming “hardened” or “past feeling” because they don't feel as upset about something in their life as they did a while back. When we first encounter or anticipate a difficult or painful life circumstance, we may be overcome with fear, dread, shock, or horror. As we come to terms with these life challenges, we begin to accept them for what they are. This frees up our mind to actually start working on productive solutions or adaptation. As you begin to accept things as they are, you become less frantic, and can actually have more influence on potential outcomes. Acceptance doesn't mean that you don't care.
The real voyage of discovery consists not in making new landscapes but in having new eyes.
– Marcel Proust
My struggle currently is to help my partner become more accepting. She seems stuck on staring at the same negative landscape over and over, and I’ve tried to help and guide her to a less stressful place, but she just seems content to be in the same place all the time. I know that her view will only change when she is ready, it worked that way for me, but I want to try to help move her in that direction by modeling a more accepting and serene behavior to show her the way. Not working so far, hopefully it will soon. It’s frustrating to see all the colors when your partner only sees black and white.
Tony, sometimes a positive attitude can look like denial to those who are having a hard time accepting both the up-sides and the down-sides of their life package. In addition to modeling a positive view, make sure you include the empathy and validation. The world can be scary place, and it sounds like your wife is feeling some of that fear. Give me a call if I can assist more directly!